Trainee Ceremony: Search for Purpose
by Chin Zhi (Mingchee Tan)
March 3rd, 2026 | Redwood Vihara, CA, USA | 13th day of 1st Lunar Month
On March 1st, 2026, I stood in the middle of the hall surrounded by family, friends, and the larger Dharma community making vows to become a Trainee (Anagarika) under the guidance of the Sangha led by the Ven. Master Hsuan Hua with my Dharma Name Chin Zhi (親智).
I remember the months leading up to that day very clearly. Earlier in 2026 I found myself lost and depressed. Why? Because in late 2024, I had become dissatisfied with my job wanting to do something more meaningful with my life. I joined a three-month Monastic Immersion Program at Redwood Vihara to explore what was my deeper calling in life. After completing the program, I had assumed that I would simply return to the workforce and resume ordinary life. Yet I couldn’t do it. A part of me still longed to continue spiritual practice, and I found myself unenthusiastic about returning to the routines of the world.
I seemed to exist in an in-between state—neither committed to worldly life nor ready to leave it behind. Combined with my inability to find a satisfying job, this uncertainty slowly gave rise to a sense of depression. I felt unsure of what I was doing with my life or how to find meaning in it.
Then a simple thought occurred to me: Why not join the monastery, at least for the time being? What do I have to lose? Learning to become a better person, serving others, and living with a sense of spiritual purpose would not be a waste of my life. If it did not work out, I could decide it was not for me and not continue to become a novice and return to the workforce. After speaking with the monks and seeking their advice, I decided to enter the Trainee (anagarika) program and take a chance to see if this was my heart’s calling.
Trainee Ceremony
When the day of the Trainee Ceremony finally arrived, it felt surreal. Despite all my earlier rationalizations, moments of panic and doubt still surfaced in the weeks beforehand. I wish I could say that I approached the decision with heroic certainty, free from anxiety, but the truth is that doubts continued to creep into my mind:
Are you sure about this?
You’re not cut out for this.
How could you give up your comforts?
Shouldn’t you stay and take care of your aging mother?
Some nights these thoughts weighed heavily on me.
Nevertheless, I decided that whether I felt ready or not, I would at least take this step and see where it led. Each time I sat quietly and asked myself honestly, Do you truly want to do this?, the answer from my heart was always the same: yes.
Beneath the fears and anxieties, I had always felt drawn toward a path different from the ordinary pursuit of material gain and self-interest. I wanted to serve the world in a deeper way. And what could be deeper than working at the source of suffering itself—the greed, hatred, and delusion that arise in our own minds?
Even in this modern age of abundance, many of us remain dissatisfied and restless, often competing with each other for wealth and status. If I could transform even a small portion of the greed, anger, and confusion within my own heart into generosity, kindness, and wisdom, then my life would have not been in vain.
On the day of the ceremony itself, my heart felt unexpectedly cool and calm. Everything unfolded smoothly. Taking the Eight Precepts for the duration of the Trainee Program was a commitment to a life of simplicity, renunciation, and service to others. This is in sharp contrast to the Silicon Valley values of efficiency, success, and personal gain. This ritual of “going forth” (although I’m not a monk yet) was established by the Buddha millenia ago, but it touches on a deep archetype of a life that finds happiness inside rather than outside.
Learning Gratitude
After the ceremony, I gathered with a small circle of friends and family, especially those who were less familiar with Buddhism. Some had traveled great distances to be there. My younger sister Susan came all the way from New York City, and my old friend Jose journeyed from Maine. We sat together in a circle, speaking one at a time while the others listened mindfully.
Each person was invited to reflect on two questions: What is your relationship with Mingchee, now Chin Zhi? And what would you like to say to him?
I did not expect the depth of support and love that followed.
My sister Susan expressed how happy she was that I was finally following my dream. She even reassured me that she would take care of our mother and that I should not worry. For anyone who knows me, that concern has always weighed heavily on my mind. Hearing those words lifted an enormous burden from my heart.
One by one, my friends and family shared their appreciation and their well-wishes for the path ahead. In response, I spoke about something I had come to realize more deeply in recent years: the gratitude I had for the people in my life.
For a long time I believed that relationships did not matter that much to me. Yet through being in the monastery and sitting in this circle, I saw clearly how much the kindness and support of others had shaped and sustained my life.
I told my friends and family that I was not “disappearing into the mist.” I would always remain their friend. I no longer saw the monastic path as cutting off relationships, but rather as holding the people I care about more consciously in my heart.
In a strange way, stepping away from the world opened my heart even more deeply toward the people I love. I am not trying to “leave the home life,” but to return to my true home—and in that sense I bring my friends and family with me in spirit.
I am not particularly eloquent, but these are the reflections that arose from that day.
And so my journey begins as a Trainee under the DRBA Sangha. I do not know what the future holds, but I am grateful to have taken this step.
With eternal gratitude to the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha; to Venerable Master Hsuan Hua, Reverend Heng Sure, Jin Chuan Shi, and Jin Wei Shi; to my mother and sister for kindly accepting my decision; and to all the good friends and family who supported me along the way.
May we all find our true inner calling and find our way home.
